You Know You're In Denial When
by Kiraddict
Summary: Gakuen Hetalia AU. SpaMano.Tough, Strict, Restrained... That's Lovino Vargas, an exceptional honor student's ordinary lifestyle. But when a new Spanish exchange student walks into his life, his world turns upside down.Will Lovino loosen up and find love?
1. You're Not Yourself

disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. duh.

A/N: My first Spamano fic! Spamano is my new fav pairing btw. XD It's adorable. I hope you enjoy this~ And sorry if there are any errors, or it's not good enough. It's 11:37 pm here in my place. I'm kinda sleepy... I'm in America for 1 month! It's freezing. brr... *ahem* enough chitchat though...

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><p><strong> You Know You're in Denial When You're...<strong>

**Chapter 1: Not Yourself**

**XXXX**

I, Lovino Vargas,have many misfortunes . One of my misfortunes is having an idiot, cry-baby, baby-brother like Feliciano. I mean, what kind of bastard would just waltz into his (sleeping, innocent) older brother and shout a screechy 'Ve~WAKE UP FRATELLO!' Anyways, after I smacked the little fucker on the head, I 'shhhsh'd him.

"Damn you, Feli. What are you; wake the whole neighbourhood up? And there's a thing called alarm clocks, _idiota_."

At the last statement, I pointed at my now (annoyingly) beeping tomato-shaped alarm clocked, while the coward whimpered a pathetic '_Spiacente' _and left my room for me to get the little bugger left, I sighed and checked the time. _5:30 am. __Perfetto. _I went to the bathroom, brushed and gelled my hair, washed my face, and brushed my teeth until I looked practically immaculate. And no, I didn't spend 20 whole minutes in the bathroom fixing myself, you ass!...Okay, maybe I did... So after fixing myself up, I went downstairs to have breakfast, and there I saw my other misfortune. Our Grandpa Roma was sitting at the dining table, reading a newspaper and drinking some coffee. Now, I don't hate our grandfather. After all, he was the one who took care of Feli and I ever since we were kids. Do you really think I would be as rude as to hate our caretaker? What? You do? Fuck you. (PBJS: Hey, that wasn't really nice~)

But at the same time, I don't really like the guy. I guess I've always felt a bit insecure about everything when it came to our grandfather. He was always so proud of Feli, 'Look, Lovi! Isn't Feli so talented?' 'My grandson is so cute~' Feli this, Feli that. It's not that I'm jealous of Feli. It's just that... I just... well, I wanted to be loved, dammit! Feli always gets praised for everything he's he cooks something, Grandpa Roma always finishes Feli's dish, while mine is just tasted, then left alone to become stale, cold, and disgusting.

Whenever he paints, Grandpa always looks at it with love and joy, praising it like it were his other grandson, and frames it in the house, while mine is scrutinized, glanced upon, then abandoned to be picked up by the maker himself. I never really minded, nor cared when we were little. I didn't notice it either, and I thought it was normal since Feli was still very young, thus he always got the attention and doting. But, I guess there was an incident when we were younger that made me especially sensitive.

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><p>-\Flashback-

" _Germain, What a pleasure it is to have you visit me! Come in. Oh, Hi Ludwig!" Grandpa let in the two potato bastards__. _

_Seeing the mini-potato named Ludwig just made me want to shoot those eyes off his face; who the hell does he think he is, ogling mi fratello like that? But before I could punch the bastard's lights out, Grandpa shooed us out of the room. With potato bastard jr._

_ Lucky me._

_ We decided to stay in me and Feli's room, just to kill time. As each minute passed, I felt myself get more irritated than I already was. Feli was trying to chat up 'Luddy' (as he affectionately called the bastard) and the bastard kept trying to avoid any contact with him. Feh. Bastard acts so macho when he himself knows he likes the view he's seeing. Pervert._

_I soon got bored and too irritated that I decided to step outside of the room and go get something to eat. (What? I'm doing the potato bastard a favour by not hitting him!) I went down the stairs and passed the living room, silently and slowly. Our grandpa had told us to, no matter what, 'don't go to the living room' or some shit like that. Hmm... Wonder what it is. Anyways, with stealth like a true Italian Mafioso, I sneaked past the large vase, (freaky thing, it's as big as I am.) and managed to hide behind one of the pillars. As I was about to zoom(awesomely, dumbass) past them, towards the kitchen, I overheard an interesting topic._

"_So, Roma. How are the kids?" Potato bastard sr. Sipped from his glass of wine, (stupid) steely, (German) eyes glancing at Gramps. He chuckled, taking a sip of his own glass of wine._

" _They're fine. Feli is very talented and cute~ I feel like my life is complete, just because of him."Grandpa smiled genuinely, eyes sparkling._

_ I listened closely, waiting for him to add another senctence, specifically, about me or something. I waited some more. Nothing came._

" _And? Lovino?" For some reason, Grandpa wasn't smiling anymore. His mouth formed a tight, straight line, and his eyes were serious._

" _He's...okay. Not much thought, compared to Feli. He's actually quite hard to take care of." When I heard this, I gasped, quickly covering my mouth to stifle it. I listened some more, hoping he would take it back._

" _He's a trouble maker, and quite spoiled. When he's not cranky and ignoring Feli, he's cussing and swearing... He's not cute, compared to Feli. He's not especially talented, unlike Feli."_

_**CRASH!**_

_That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. Grandpa... He, our warm Grandpa, who comforted us at night, thought of me like that? That I was a brat? That I was trouble? He...likes Feli better? I felt the corners of my eyes sting, ignoring the now broken vase on the floor, which I had actually caused. I blinked away the tears, swallowing the lump in my throat, ignoring the fact that the two older men had stopped talking and that their attention was now on me. I wiped my now reddening face with force, ignoring the fact that Grandpa Roma's eyes were now wide with shock at the realization of what he had just done._

" _Lovi..." Grandpa came over to me, bent down to my level and placed a hand on my head. I cried, I let the tears flow freely, Ignoring the hurt and guilty face my grandpa was now making, ignoring the fact that Feliciano, Luwig, and Ludwig's grandpa were now looking at me. I pushed away Grandpa Roma's hand, ignoring the pathetic wail Feli emitted somewhere nearby. I ran back to my (our) room, tears still streaming down my face._

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><p>Ever since that day, I swore to do my best, to outshine my younger brother, to be better than him in at least one thing. I swore to prove myself to our grandfather, to make him love me, to be his favourite.<p>

And ever since that day , I've been either on the top10, or on the honor rolls. And I've never cried. Once. You may think I'm exaggerating, I mean, for 16 years, you're bound to cry even just drops of tears.

No. I promised myself I wouldn't be weak. To make my grandfather proud of me; for who I really am.

But It just isn't working. That's why I'm always attending cram school even though my grades are top-notch. That's the reason why I come home exhausted, completely drained, falling asleep from the time I get home, only waking up the next day. The reason why I almost faint from fatigue sometimes. But anyways, enough of that shit. I was awoken from my temporary daze by my stupid younger brother, who was in a pink, frilly apron, (So fucking gay, I swear, it could make fucking Francis, the fuckface look **straight.**) and had just finished making breakfast..

"Ve? _Fratello _are you alright?" He placed his hand on my forehead, as if checking for a fever. I grimaced and brushed away his hand harshly, earning a whimper from the pathetic wuss. Hmph. Serves him right. After nursing his 'injured' hand, He served breakfast, which was tomato and ham omelette, and some (awesome) Italian coffee. I licked my lips and sat down. One thing I really loved about my brother was his awesome cooking, that's for sure. N-not that I'd ever admit it to the bastard!

" Ooh~ Feli is so adorable and obedient, cooking breakfast for us, right Lovi?" Grandpa squealed like a stupid schoolgirl. Shit. I could cook too; the bastard... Despite my irritation, however, I retained my blank, poker face and began to eat. The rest of the meal was silent, excluding the clinking noises our plates made when our utensils hit them, and Feli's constant 've'-ing. As soon as we finished breakfast, Feli and I grabbed our stuff, (and keys, in my case; I'm the one driving, after all.) and Feli shouted a quick 'Bye Grandpa!' and we drove to school.

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><p>- Later, At School/-

I sighed as I reached my locker and checked my schedule. It seemed like Physics II was my next subject. Hm. No big deal; after all, my grades are perfect. As I was about to go to class, I heard a couple of teasing wolf whistles. I turned my head and saw fucking Francis, winking at me, and shitface Gilber, fucking snickering at me. I swear, I felt the vein on my temple protrude a bit. Just a bit. I rolled my eyes a bit, successfully ignoring them, much to their dismay. That was another one of my misfortunes. Teasing and slight bullying. Thanks to the 'Douchebag Duo' (That's what they were commonly known as.)Gilbert and Francis, my Sophomore year just became harder than it already was.

They started to pick on me only this year. The reason? I fuckin don't have a damn clue. They would always pick on me, one way or the other. (Francis would tease me, saying I should 'loosen up and get laid' while Gilbert would always comment behind my back that I was 'a bitchy jerk with a stick stuck up my ass'. I didn't care of course, and these were all returned with a snort, and an eye roll.)

I went inside my designated classroom, and sat down at the back, my usual spot. I read my notes a bit until the classroom began to fill up with students, and the teacher went inside the classroom. Class was about to start, so I returned my notes inside my bag. The usual routine, The class greets, The teacher nods back, and we all sit down, doing our own stuff.

I guess I was the only attentive one, because when I heard the sound of 'PURA LÓPEZ' shoes, (shut up, okay? I know the brand from just the sound; so what?) I was the only one who looked outside the window in curiosity. Who the hell would wear Pura Lopez shoes from Spain, in an American school? Probably some rich snot or something

. When the door opened, however, I was proved wrong. At that moment, I probably saw the most gorgeous person in the world (besides myself, of course!). He had tanned skin, but wasn't completely dark. His emerald green eyes shined gleefully. He had shiny, brown, wavy locks that bounced along with him when he moved. He had shiny white teeth that showed when he would smile. _Cazzo_! Was this guy a sex god of some sorts?... Not that I wanted to know, of course. I wasn't interested in that stupid (gorgeous, amazing) bastard!

" Class, this is our new student. He's from Spain. Would you kindly introduce yourself please?" The teacher adjusted her glasses, her sentence grabbing the attention of each student in the classroom. I heard some girls whisper a few 'gosh, he's hot' s. For some reason, I thought I fely my pride deflate a little. I used to be every girl's crush. Smart, deliciously handsome... Not that I'd admit it though, I wasn't disappointed, dammit!

The Spanish bastard smiled, waving at the class, and introduced himself.

"Hola! My name is Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo, and I'm pleased to meet you, everyone!" He flashed us his (oh, so gorgeous and *coughattractivecough*) smile. I felt my face heat up , which was uncharacteristic of me. **I **make girls blush.** I** don't **blush **like a **girl**.

"Take care of Antonio, okay?" The class muttered a 'yes' before returning to their stuff. The teacher looked around for a place for him to sit in, only to see that the only vacant seats were the 4 ones beside me, at the back.

" You can sit beside Lovino over there, at the back." And... Oh, God. The bastard was going near me. It was only a matter of seconds before he was seated beside me, smiling broadly at me. Shit, doesn't his face ever hurt from smiling? He placed a hand on mine(because two guys holding hands is perfectly normal.) , causing me to flush violently. Stupid blush. It seems like it was genetic.

"Hi, Lovino! Mind introducing yourself to me?" The bastard. Doesn't he already know my name?

" I thought you know my name, bastard." The Spaniard slightly pouted, causing me to flush slightly again. Stupid face, stupid Lovino. Why did I have to show that side of myself to him?

" yeah, but I want to know you more, Lovi~" Argh. Damn Jerk called me Lovi!

" L-Lovino V-v-vargas. I-I'm a... so,sophomore." Luckily, he didn't notice my blushing and stuttering. Stupid Spanish jerk. Why am I slipping up? I never, ever, in years of training and introductions stuttered when introducing myself. I was used to it. So why? And why did I feel so funny, like my stomach is flipping on the inside and I want to puke out stuff... Why is my heart beating so rapidly? Is this another misfortune, or is it something good for me?'

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><p>Kyaa~ So much fluff~~ Sorry if I made Rome so hateable. I really like grandpa rome... I'm not hating or something, m'kay?<p>

Thanks for reading. please review! ^^ Sorry if it's crappy... I'll try to update soon.


	2. You Want Something Done Right

disclaimer: I don't own it. (Hetalia)

A/N: Haiiii~~~ XD This is the second chapter of my Spamano fic~ We're now in Florida, and it's actually real nice here... ('cept our hotel sort of sucks, but... I'm fine XD) We're going to New York tomorrow, so I decided to post this, cuz I'll be really tired, I guess...Sorry I forgot to add the translations last chapter, I wasn't feeling well, and I just wrote down the story for my cousin to write down and publish, cuz... well... I was really excited to publish this story, so.. yeah. XD here they are:

_Spaciente-_ Sorry

_fratello-_ brother

_Perfetto-_ perfect

_Cazzo- _fuck

Fusososososo~~~ I'm glad you're enjoying the fic so far *turns around to see a blank wall of nothingness* ahahahaha... Though it's not as if this fic is actually catching much attention anyways... I'll try harder! ' 3 '

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><p><strong>XXX<strong>

**You Know You're In Denial When...**

**Chapter 2- You want something done right.**

**XXX**

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><p>Let me tell you... My day absolutely sucked. And I know every single fucking day of my life sucks, (well, except for the time they served free pasta in that really good Italian restaurant...But that's another story!) But this is way too much. Let me explain:<p>

The whole time, after that Physics class earlier, that stupid Spanish bastard followed me wherever I went. To the library, to my locker, To _mi fratello_'s classroom... He even followed me to the fucking restroom, for fuck's sake! And he's currently following me to the cafeteria right now. I swear; doesn't he have anything better to do? This guy is really testing my(already short) temper. Huh. And I thought no one could be more annoying than Francis. I stopped walking and turned around quickly, just to face the stupidly cheerful bastard's stupidly cheerful face. Was he just radiating an air of gayness? I swear, If I had a gaydar with me right now, it would be turned on high. N-not that I'm interested in knowing his interests, after all.

" _Oi_, Lovi~ Why did you stop walking?"

" Oh, it's nothing special. I just stepped on your (non-existant) brain cells." I had to roll my eyes at this guy's stupidity. Not even a whole day yet of knowing me, yet he was really clingy.

" Ah~ Is that so?" The idiot. Che. He didn't even know I was using sarcasm.

" No, you retard! Stop following me!"

" Eh? But why, _mi querida_~?" Either I was red from frustration, or from what he said. I-if I'm not mistaken, he called me his- Dammit. The bastard had the guts to pout!

" C-cause it's creepy; That's what."

" But you're cute, Lovi~" Damn _bastardo_. I-i'm not cute! I'm reallly manly, see? I've dated many girls back in the day!... But I never accepted any of them. But I'll reserve that story for another time, though.

" Dammit, do you have shit for brains, or are you just doing it on purpose?" And no, I wasn't blushing, mind you!

I tried to focus on another object; Anything but his oh, so gorgeous eyes and tanned fa-

Aw, look, the Student Council Vice President Kiku Honda is standing on his tippy-toes just to reach his food on the cafeteria counter...The tiny shrimp. Wait, is that the president trying to help him out? Oh, look at that; they brushed hands together... And they're both blushing... Stupid Brit. Stupid Jap. Try getting a room somewhere, you lustful bastards! But come to think of it, Arthur _did_ have the same green eyes as Anto-

WHAT THE FUCK?

After 3 minutes of hardcore head-banging, I started to feel really embarrassed, for the same Spanish bastard I was thin-plotting against a while ago was staring at me with bright, green eyes. I swear, I wanted to smack myself for seriously thinking that he would actually leave me. Oh well... I actually l-like his company, anyways... Not that I'd ever admit it, ever!

"Um... Lovino?" I stopped, when the bastard suddenly said my name, with a confused look on his face. Hmm... So that's how it sounded like when he said my name... I wonder how it would sound like when he moans it ou-

_"Ma che cazzo!"_

"Er... When will you stop banging your _hermosa cabeza _against the wall? You're going to hurt yourself, _dios mio_!"

I glared at him, hoping that stupid,_and oh so beautiful_ grin of his would disappear. And it didn't. I expected it anyways, bastard! I huffed, turned away from him, with crossed arms, and closed eyes. Not to forget a very red face... Because of anger, dammit!

"_Zitto e lasciami in pace, bastardo!_ _"_

Damn. he sure made me angry, for him to make me yell at him in Italian. And no one sure wants to see Lovino Vargas angry. I turned around again and opened my eyes to see his scared and pale face, begging for mercy and groveling before me. I opened my mouth to prepare to laugh in his miserable face, but... his face wasn't miserable at all. WTF?Is this guy dense, or just retarded? I felt my facce flush even more, as his happy grin twisted into a more sly one. Stupid bastard.

"_**¿**_ _Pero mi amor, eres tan divertido e interesante de ver. Dame la oportunidad deconocerte más, por favor**?**_" I grit my teeth some more, (No, I didn't whimper from the slight pain; I'm not a wuss, dumbass!) and growled. How. dare. he.

"_Come ti permetti, stronzo incompetente! Sei un frocio o qualcosa del genere?_ " I practically yelled, despite the nasty looks I got from our neighbors, and the pleadingly pathetic look I got from my nearby brother. Che. Wuss.

"_Feisty ... __Eso me gusta_. " I rolled my eyes, and once more, sighed. I finally gave up, and let him follow me around some more. It...It's kind of, well, cute... actually. Hell, no! Antonio's not cute! He's actually really gorgeous... Now I sound like a love-struck teenage girl... God. Speaking of teenage girls... Somewhere, in between today, I saw him with another girl, from Spain, I guess. His girlfriend, probably? Of course, a guy like him would have at least one (or more) girlfriend/s.

"Oi, bastard." His ears perked up suddenly, and I felt myself snort a little.

" Yeah, you. I have a question to ask of you, by the way." Antonio smirked slyly at my inquiry... bastard.

" Oh? I thought you wanted me to leave you alone, just earlier? Now you ask me questions?"

" Yeah, yeah, don't really care... Don't you have a girlfriend, or something?"

" Oh, you mean Clara? Yes, She is _mi amante_ . Why do you ask?" I felt my heart sink somewhat. But why?

"Oh. It's nothing. j-just curious, I guess..."

The Spaniard chuckled, and ruffled my hair slightly, barely missing my delicate curl. I flushed tomato red, skillfully averting my eyes from his gaze, looking down at my shoes... And that's when he pulled slightly at my haircurl. Chigi! My breathing became a bit ragged and heavy, my face becoming even redder. Dammit; These pants sure were tight... Stupid Armani guys. Not getting my measurements right... I hope. No, I won't get turned on by this bastard...

" Ah, I guess you deserve to know... After all, you are my precious friend, Lovi." He smiled warmly at me, probably unaware of what my haircurl is. I headbutted him slightly, making him chuckle again. And deep, deep down, I felt an empty feeling at the pit of my stomach. Friends... Of course, we're friends! Yes..

"-ds.." Antonio stopped chuckling, and bent down to my level (He's too tall, dammit!) to catch what I had said.

" I said: I guess I want to be friends..." He smiled at me, making me blush again... And that's when I realized something.

I'm falling for him.

We started to walk together going to our next class, (which we were together in, again.) when he grabbed my hand tenderly, and placed it in his hand, holding it firmly, yet gently. It was a nice feeling, the way his hand was so warm, and my hand fit in his hand so perfectly, the way my fingers filled the gaps between his so snugly... I ffelt a warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart, my face warm. Then, the bastard had to ruin the mood.

" Lovi... What's that in your pants?"

Chigi.

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><p>Kyaaa~~~ So much fluff... Here are the translations:<p>

_mi querida_ -my dear

_"Ma che cazzo!"_ - "What the fuck!"

_hermosa cabeza_ - pretty head

"_Zitto e lasciami in pace, bastardo!__"_ - "Shut up and leave me alone, you bastard!"

"¿ Pero mi amor, eres tan divertido e interesante de ver. Dame la oportunidad deconocerte más, por favor?" - "But my love, you're so funny and interesting to watch. Give me a chance again, please?"

"Come ti permetti, stronzo incompetente! Sei un frocio o qualcosa del genere? " - "How dare you, incompetent asshole! You're a fag or something?"

_Feisty ... __Eso me gusta_. - Feisty. I like that.

mi amante- My lover

I hope my Spanish is correct! I'm not that good at Spanish, and I used googletranslate for my Italian. Please let me know if there are some mistakes...

Please review! Thanks for reading!


	3. You're Lying

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. If I did, I'd make Spamano, AsaKiku, PruCan, DenNorge, and other pairings official. Oh; and I'd make Mattie un-invisible(?) and Japan be in the series more.

A/N: So, enough of the ramblings... Hey y'all! I just got a new laptop~~~ XD Tomorrow, we're home, in the (awesome)Philippines. Huh. I noticed how short our vacation in America was. Awww... I'll miss the chilly weather in the U.S.A, for in my native land(lol), some sources (um...family, friends, classmates...?) said:

"the weather will shake you. No seriously."

PBJS: " Nah, that's fine... I miss the warm weather anyways..."

" Once you get home, trust me, you'll regret saying that... :|"

So yeah... And so I did. Seriously; 32 degrees celcius at night?

hey did any of you notice that the first chapter isn't really a sign of denial? *is shot* it's more of a sign of nervousness or anxiety, actually. But I saw it fitting of Lovi's behaviour in that chappie. Meh. So this chapter, 'Lying' doesn't necessarily apply mostly to denial, but it's a universal and common sign of denial and concealing something/s. So, yeah. Oh, and just to warn you:

OC: Clara Francisco- Toni's bitchy girl. Seriously, I don't know where the name came from. And I know that the idea of a bitch ruining everything is very, very, very unoriginal. But meh. You'll see where this is going in due time... I hope. Wish me luck in writing, will you!

Belgium: Elise Vandenbosch (I don't think this is the first time you've heard of her by the name Elise.)

So yeah... Oh by the way, who wants to see Lovi in a dress soon? *Is massacred by Lovi and his oh so awesome mafia* Ah, Lo Siento... No, seriously. Please tell me in the review if you want to see him in one. Oh, and if you could, please tell me how it looks like! I'll consider the most appropriate one, so I apologize in advance if your opinion is not taken.

So, On with the story!

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><p><strong>You Know You're In Denial When...<strong>

**Chapter 3- You're Lying**

**XxXxxxxX**

So... Just now, the Spanish bastard's Spanish bitch just popped out of nowhere and 'glomped' Antonio. I would have protested, (alright, fine; I want Antonio for myself, dammit.) But... well...

One thing about Clara is... well...

She's _perfect. _

I mean, with her bouncy, slightly wavy, shoulder-length dark-brown hair, cafe-au-leit-esque skin tone (which is just as smooth; I decided, when we shook hands.), Grande taste in clothing, and not to mention that fucking _humongous_ rack. I mean; seriously; Is she an E times 4 raised to the fifth power? Oh, just ignore me...Not really.

What kind of guy wouldn't fall heads-on-heels for her? I swear, If only I didn't completely hate her guts I guess I'd fucking pick her up just like that, flirt with her, and with any chance, screw her right then and there...Nah, she's a slut. I w-want Antonio for myself, after all...

So I just stood there, watching the perfect couple go all mush and icky in public. I mean, seriously; Get a room, you two!

_Oh, really, now? I bet you're just saying that because you yourself want to get a room with Antonio._

The hell? Now my own subconscious is bullying me? Screw my life.

_Pfffttt...! I'm not your subconcious, you **dumkopff.** _

Huh. Don't tell me it's a ghost; No, wait! A potato-sucking ghost to make it worse for me!...God, you hate me, don't you?

_Stop being a stupid gay-ass sassy drama queen, you bonehead. Screw this; Why did I even bother to try to help you, anyways? _

Help? Huh. For the enth time in one day, I just scoffed,and in the process, blowing my own haircurl with the air from my mouth and nose, which ended with a red-faced Italian, and... Did the room just get hotter?Seriously, turn off the heater, dammit! I mean, is it really neces-

_**BOO!**_

Well. That snapped me out of my thoughts. I mean, seriously, Lovino; stop acting so strange by dozing off all of a sudden, people'd think you're retarded or something. Not that would, of course, think that of the top 1 student in the campus. Duh. And no, I didn't shriek so shrilly that a 4-year old girl would be put to shame. Silly~ And n-no, I didn't whisper anything about stupid A-antonio saving me or something. Ew. Just how sassy do you think I am, anyways?

Anyways.

Putting that aside, the first thing I did was look around if anyone saw me, just to realize that Antonio, and Clara(the bitch) went somewhere else and -

I don't care. The next class is German, anyways. And the teacher is a stupid macho potato-head. Figures. I mean, why the fuck do we have to study fucking German in America? In an American school, with Americans and in America? It's jeopardizing the American culture and society as it already is jeopardized!

I just wanted to say that...

'Cuz I'm Italian..._American_. And besides, they'd never even do so as to give me a detention slip, would they? I mean, I am, after all, the top student.

But I'm fucking scared. And worried. That's because I've never gotten in trouble for my whole life...

Back to the point, I turned my head, to where I suspect the voice came from.

_Merda_.

Did I... Did I just die and go to heaven? Because I think I'm seeing an angel in front of me.

No, seriously... You've got to try that one, it really works, you see.

*Ahem* Anyways, I turned my head, to see a really pretty lass, with an arrogant smirk on her face, and her hand on her hips.

_Oh_...

I'd recognize that tattered, dirty uniform anywhere, and those messy, tangled, honey-blonde locks...

" Hi Elise." Elise marched up to me and slapped my back slightly a bit too hard. Which I didn't wince at, by the way. Dammit...

" So, Lovi. I see you've got your eyes on that Spanish dude's arse?" Okay; so maybe my eyes were trailing somewhat downwards, but- I-i wasn't looking anywhere else, dammit! Elise slung her arm on my shoulder, making me almost lose my balance and fall forward. For a chick, she sure is heavy... I shoved her slightly, just enough for her to get the hell off of me.

" No... Not his butt, I mean, but... You could say that I l-like him..." She wolf-whistled and approached me slyly.

" Heh. Y'know, if ever you get tired of him, We could always, you know... Get together?" And that's when a marvelous idea popped up in my head. Elise fidgeted in panic, since she must have seen the look on my face.

" Ah. I was just joking, Lovi-cakes... I know we liked each other before, but-"

"Elise, be my (temporary) girlfriend." I grabbed my childhood crush towards me, pulled her down to my level, and whispered in her ear. And I've never seen someone change expressions so quickly before. First she had a look that showed shocked, then a scandalized one, and slowly, she had a sly, cat-smile on her features. I, too, uncharacteristically, grinned.

This was the reason why I fell in love with this girl before.

" Oh, Lovino Vargas, you quirky bastard!" She giggled madly for a while, to which I joined in to. We stayed like this for a while, laughing until we had tears in our eyes, not worrying about the time.

" So, you intend on making him want you back?" Out of breath, I just nodded, my face flushed red. " Sure; I'll be glad to help!" That's when another thought hit me. What if Antonio didn't like me back? There are many reasons why he wouldn't like me back, after all:

1) He doesn't know a damn thing about me, except for my name, seat and locker number, and family relations. Oh, and that I'm top student.

2) I don't know a damn thing about him, except for the fact that he's a hot Spanish bastard, he's a stupid idiot, and he has a Spanish girlfriend named Clara Francisco.

3) My personality. I would know my own personality, and it's not good either.

4) What would he see in me? Sure, I'm damn good looking, and really smart, but I'm not his type.

5) He has a girlfriend.

6) We're both **guys**.

I groaned when realization hit me. Antonio doesn't like me in that way. I could see it, too, when he ruffles my hair and laughs that mesmerizing laugh of his. He thinks of me as his friend.

" Elise," I moaned, all these facts striking me one by one, each oh so painfully. " Maybe we shouldn't do this after all. He doesn't like me, anyways..."

" No! Lovino, I know he does. You just have to make a move on him; How would he know?" I shrugged, not really knowing what to do.

" You have to make him want **you**. Show that bitch of his who deserves him. She's a fake." I scrunched up my eyebrows in confusion. How would she know?

" Wha-"

" I saw her flirting with that guy from Netherlands. And a few others..."

" Behind Antonio's back?" That bitch is horrible! Antonio shouldn't be with her, after all. " He doesn't deserve her!" Elise rolled her eyes, snarky as ever.

"No shit. Now you pretend we're together, and see him become jealous. When he snaps, he'll tell you how he feels. Then, you can tell him about Clara and her shenanigans." Elise pat me on the back reassuringly.

" I just hope our plan works out as well as it sounds, Elly." Elise raised my chin for me to look straight into her lime-green eyes.

" Lovino. I'm with you in this. Now cheer up; The only time I ever want to hear you moan is when I finally get you in bed with me." I scowled at her, shoving her off of me. Elise is really the only one I'm actually open with, since we practically grew up together. We used to have a crush on each other before, but I sort of... rejected her.

" So I'll be your girlfriend! Temporarily, that is... ahahahaha..." I noticed the slightly pained look in her eyes, despite her cheerful laugh and smile. Elise is, after all, a **woman**, despite her personality. I smiled at her, an apologetic smile. We finally parted ways, and when we were far apart, She whispered something she probably thought I couldn't hear.

" I always loved you the most, Lovino..." I made a face and balled my hands into fists. She probably didn't know that I knew she was crying. I clenched my eyes shut, my face devoid of expressions.

" I'm sorry, Elise..." It came out so soft, It was barely a whisper. But I know. I know that she heard it. And we both know.

* * *

><p>So after all that drama, I sprinted to the classroom, and with my amazing mafia skills that I inherited from our Grandpa, I made it to the classroom. 15 minutes late. I bit my lower lip in worry, Thoroughly afraid of getting into trouble. What will everyone think? What will Antonio think? I know we're just separated by this door in front of me, and I could see all of them listening to the potato bastard's lecture. Surely, his view on me would change. Everyone's view on me would change. But...<p>

What about Grandpa Roma?

The man I've tried so much to impress all these years, with a perfect record and many other things. Surely he'd disapprove... He'd never like a trouble maker much better than his other grandson.

I clenched and unclenched my fists, nails digging into my delicate flesh. I squeezed my eyes shut, contemplating on whether or not to open the door. I glanced at the clock above the room.

12:20 p.m.

Now I'm 20 minutes late.

I felt my eyes sting and felt some dampness at the corners of my eyes.

No, Lovino, don't cry. Not now, not here.

I opened my eyes, glancing at the window on the door. No one seemed to see me. Good.

I choked on a suppressed sob, and buried my face in my hands as I slid down against the door slowly. Slowly, but suddenly, the door opened, and I stood up with a jolt. There, standing in the doorway, was Mr. Beildschmitt, the lousy German potato-head.

His mouth was curved into a thin, straight, horizontal line to show his displeasure and disappointment. His eyebrows were furrowed both in confusion and distaste. All I could do was fix my stare on my shoes, the floor, anything but the teacher, and the class. From the corner of my eye, I could see Antonio with a sympathetic face...which was suddenly gone, since he busied himself with his girlfriend whispering something to him. Che. I was too embarassed to even curse at her in my own mind. And the classroom just stood still like that, in absolute silence, Me and the teacher in front; My head hung low, my cheeks flushed, eyes damp and puffy, and my fists balled up.

The teacher coughed, grabbing all of the class's attention, including mine. I looked up slowly and pathetically. Mentally, I cringed. Nice job, Lovino. Nice job...

"You're late, Mr. Vargas." Mr. Beilldschmitt pushed up his glasses and crossed his arms over his chest, while I paled. Pathetic. I searched through my head for an explanation, and after what seemed like and eternity, He slammed his hand on his desk, making me jolt in surprise. That bastard. If he weren't a teacher, I would have punched the living daylights out of him. But my priority now is to get out of trouble.

" I'm waiting for and explanation, Mr. Vargas." I cringed under his cold tone.

" I-I'm... Sorry. I wasn't feeling too well, and-"

" If I may, Señor Beilldschmitt," A feminine voice with a Latin accent smoothly cut in, interrupting my get-away plan. I glared at the person who interrupted, and felt a cold bead of sweat glide down the arch of my back. It was Clara. No. No, she wasn't...

" I'm afraid that Mr. Vargas is lying, Señor. I was with him before class time, and it seemed like he was getting busy with... a girl, _si_? Ah, yes." I felt my eyes widen as she explained everything to the teacher. In my shocked state, I couldn't make out anything they said any more, until Mr. Beilldschmitt put a hand on my shoulder roughly. Damn, that bitch.

I glared at Clara, and saw her smiling deviously back at me. Though no one else seemed to notice. I focused on the person whose hand was on my shoulder right now, and said person was digging through his case and pulled out...

_Merda_.

No. God, no. Nononooononononononononno. Anything but a detention slip. I swear, just to get out of this mess, I'd do anything. I'd even eat wurst and other German shit for my whole life if it'd get me out of trouble. My vision blurred as he extended it out to me after signing it, a slightly wary expression on his damn potato-eating face. Then he said the sentence that made my heart shatter to pieces.

" I'm giving you a detention slip. For being late by 20 minutes, and for lying to your teacher." I felt my knees fail me, and my mouth suddenly went dry. My eyes stinged suspiciously, and my eyesight was extremely blurry.

I only noticed that I was crying when I sobbed pathetically, in front of the class, in front of the potato bastard, in front of _Antonio_ of all people. From the corners of my eyes, I could see the other students with worried and shocked expressions. I knew they were thinking, 'Who knew that the great Lovino Vargas could cry, and because of a detention slip?'

" No, please! D-Don't give me detention, please! I'll do anything..." But I ended up sobbing choked sobs and having many hot tears flowing down my face.

" I'll do anything, I promise I won't do it again..." I went into hysteria, as I grabbed onto Mr. Beilldschmitt's arm, trying to convince him. Everything else after that was a blur. Probably from crying, but I could remember clearly Antonio's look of sympathy and pity directed at him. He looked like he wanted to say something, but didn't. I didn't want him to see me like this, really. After that, I walked dejectedly to the detention room, where Elise was sitting with a pained expression and a forced smile.

" Hey, Kiddo. Seems like we're on the same boat, eh?" She chuckled, but I swear that chuckle was strained. I sighed and sat down next to her, and she held my hand tightly and reassuringly.

" Got busted for being late?" I just nodded, feeling my eyes sting again with tears. How pathetic I am, crying over a detention slip. I buried my face into my hands and cried freely, and we hugged each other, both of us crying. After crying pathetically, I looked at Elise with serious eyes. I could feel the passion and rage burning in my eyes. Really.

" Elise, Let's go on with the plan. I'll do it, no matter what." And after a few moments of silence, the detention monitor, Ms. Wang, a pretty Taiwanese lady, dismissed us, telling us that she'd call our respective guardians after school. If only my spirits weren't so low, I would have made some passes at her.

I swear, I'd kick that Clara bitch's ass. And make Antonio mine.

* * *

><p>So, err... yeah. It's not really humour, and I apologize about that... Eheheheheh...<p>

Oh no, what's to happen to Lovi? We'll see in the next chapter. And I know Lovi's OOC here. I did it on purpose, really. :|

Please review~~! And tell me how to improve~! I also apologize for the crappyness, I'm sort-of sugar high,too.

TY for reading~


	4. You're Regretful

Disclaimer: I just own the idea and this fic. Sheessshhh...

A/n (Don't you just love these?): I know, I know. I haven't updated recently...It's my fault. (Not that much of you care, right? Ahahaha~~ It's alright! I write for the sake of entertainment, anyways~~ I like writing; It's fun, but I just can't seem to insert it anywhere in my busy schedule.) I hope you liked the previous and dramatic chapter~ I want to write/read a humorous fic, but it seems easier for me to write drama :| . I wonder whyyyyyyyyy... Oh! And if you guys have any suggestions, you could always either review or PM me ;D

And internet cookies for those of you who get the hints and cameos in this chapter~~ Muwahahaha. I'm a devious little fangirl, ain't I? Ahahaha~~~

Uselessinfoetcblargcoughcough: I'm starting highschool soon (The start is June 7), and I won't be able to update regularly. Not that I **do** update regularly, though.

And if any of you could give me some more signs of denial in love, please? Thankies D: I'm desperate, plzzzz!

* * *

><p><strong>You Know You're In Denial When<strong>

**Chapter 4: You're Regretful**

**XxXXxxXxXXxx**

_Slam!_

Our grandfather stopped reading the newspaper to look up at us, probably, no-definitely bemused and curious as to what the noise was for. Damn; maybe I shouldn't have slammed the door so hard. I strode inside after neatly taking off my footwear, a shaking, near-tears Feliciano following closely behind. From the corner of my eye, I saw grandpa raise a skeptical eyebrow, though choosing to remain silent. I could feel my heart hammering from inside my chest, and a bead of sweat slide down my temple.

Relax, Lovino. _Relax_.

Once Feliciano was upstairs ( I could practically see 'nervous vibes' leak from him as he ran/scurried pathetically to his room. Che.), Grandpa cleared his throat and pat the space beside him on the sofa, signalling for me to sit down beside him. He had a stern expression on his face, and I could tell he wasn't fooling around. I walked over to him, and sat down. The next thing that happened was the last thing I expected to happen. As an ear-splitting crack echoed in the room, I held the side of my burning face in bewilderment and fixated my stare on the floor, cringing slightly. Of course I didn't whimper, dumbass! Che.

Anyways...

Grandpa looked at me with a mixture of anger, disgust, and was that...? Disappointment. I turned my head away from his gaze, too ashamed for him to see me like this. What if grandpa hates me? He'll never approve of me now. Next thing for me would probably be being disowned. All these thoughts swam in my disoriented state of mind, with ample amounts of hurt and fear.

Yeah, _fear._ The great Lovino Vargas, scared. Of his grandpa.

Shut up.

After a long, deafening moment of silence, The old man just grabbed me, and hugged me, my face burying into his chest. Grandpa stroked my back comfortingly, his big warm hand warming up my half-scared half-confused frame. For not the first time today, I felt tears stinging the corners of my eyes, and I shut them quickly; I won't let grandpa think too differently about me. He already adored Feliciano too much as of now, The last thing I want is for him to think of me as a wuss. And, I don't want to admit it, but... I whimpered. I fucking whimpered.

Grandpa Roma rested his chin on top of my head, just close enough to hear his whispering to me.

" Lovino, I heard about what happened today. Not only were you late for class, but you also lied to your teacher." Grandpa pulled me away from him and gave me a stern glare, making me flinch away. Gulping in anxiety, I wrung my hands at my side, and stared at the ground, admiring the grande, Italian-esque marble flooring patterns. Oh, look. Nice roses there; A true masterpiece, an earnest and pure display of culture and talen-

" Lovino, look at me when I'm talking to you." My thoughts were interrupted abruptly as Grandpa's voice rang in the room loud and clear. I did as I was told, hesitantly looking into his amber eyes. The trait that me and my grandpa share. His face was sharp and strong, Italian features obvious on his face. His features were stern and commanding, or, demanding; yet they were gentle. My bottom lip quivered and I could feel my eyes pathetically water again. Pathetic.

" I-I, yes. I did get into t-trouble today, actually." I inhaled sharply as my voice wavered, and Grandpa's eyes softened knowingly.

" Why, Lovino? I thought everything was going fine. I'm actually disappointed in you." The last thing I wanted was for Grandpa to be disappointed in me. I won't have that, for fuck's sake. A flash of anger passed through my being, and I whipped my head up with gritted teeth and my hands balled into fists.

"Wow, I never expected you to actually care, old man. Took you long enough. I didn't even know you noticed me. Because you never do. Now, you tell me you're disappointed in me? You're always too busy with Feliciano; Feliciano this, Feliciano that. It's as if you only have one fucking grandchild. You should have told me you were disappointed like, I dunno; 10 years ago or something? Whatever. I would have liked that better instead of you not paying any goddamn attention at all. At least I wouldn't have raised my hopes up and attempted miserably to impress you." My mouth ran like a motor, running so quickly, yet ever so clearly and waveringly. Painfully clear and loud. With wide and shocked eyes, Grandpa tried and failed to explain.

"Lovino-"

" But _no_, you still treasured Feliciano so much more, hell; you could have even married him if you wanted to. You were so insensitive about me. I bet if I told you years ago that I wanted to kill myself of, you would have just answered me with a ' Oh sorry, Lovino. I have to go help Feliciano with his homework first.' Or maybe even an indifferent ' Uh-huh. Sure, you go do that, hun.' You're the worst grandfather I've ever had the displeasure of meeting! You're lousy and you don't give a shit about me, do you?" I practically yelled now, all the bottled-up rage and hurt finally spilling out, the bottle, which happened to be my soul, exploding. All the contents flowing out with out a care.

"Lovino, I-" Grandpa's voice was stern now, and I sensed some irritation in it. Hah! He was probably irritated about his 18-year old grandson being right about every damn thing that was blurted out right now. Served the bastard right.

"I'm sick and tired of all your favouritism; I hate it!" Raw with rage and unshed emotions, My throat ached from all the ranting. Grandpa yanked my wrist from my sides, and pulled my closer to him, hugging me in a warm embrace. I could feel unshed tears threatening to shed, really. For once, I was shocked speechless.

"You can cry, Lovino. It won't lessen my opinion on you or something." And I did just that. After a few minutes of (manly) crying, Granpa lifted my chin and wiped away the tears on my face gently with his warm hands.

" Lovino, I really do care. I've always given priority to Feliciano because he's younger... Not to mention stupider and more fucked-up in the head." At this, we both burst into loud laughter with tears in our eyes and belly-aches.

"So... Are you, um... mad?"

" I'm disappointed, Lovino... But I remember when I was a youngster, and every day I brought home someone to fu-"

" Grandpa!" I stormed out of the room angrily to be spared from another one of my grandpa's stories of his highschool sexcapades.

"Oh, that reminds me..."

" What is it now?" I grumbled, irritated. Grandpa took a sip from his cup of coffee (which I didn't notice earlier), and chuckled.

"Feliciano, you can come out now." And out fell Feliciano, who was grandly hiding behind the bookshelf near the stairs.

* * *

><p>" What do you think we should do first, Lissie?" The Belgian looked up from the book she was reading, taking a sip from her cup of Belgian Hot Chocolate and adjusted her reading glasses on the bridge of her nose. Leaning into my palm, which was rested on the table, I felt a smirk tugging at the corners of my mouth.<p>

"Hmm... Wanna stick with the cheesy guy-gets-girl-stuff-and-confesses crap?" Elise shrugged, which I mirrored with a shrug of my own.

" I guess we could. What do you suggest I get for you?" Elise smirked, deep in thought. " And before you say anything, don't even mention those pricey, girly stuff you want for yourself." With a smile, I leaned back into my seat and enjoyed my cup of Cappuccino. Unlike myself, my companion had gotten a hot chocolate, which was extremely inappropriate, considering the fact that we were in a coffee shop. I mean; who drinks chocolate in a shop that fucking serves fucking coffee?

Never mind.

* * *

><p>" So... Tell me again <em>why<em> exactly and what we're doing in a _flower shop_?" Elise stopped her chatting with the tall (fucking giant),smiling, black-haired store clerk and scowled at me irritably.

"For the plan, silly!" Elise turned away from me to inspect some of the roses, before finally deciding on a long-stemmed bouquet. The shop clerk then nodded so cheerfully and smiled dazzlingly, going away to probably prepare the flowers and stuff that I don't fucking know of. I'm not a florist, dammit. And the clerk reminded me of another person... A Spanish bastard, in particular.

Oh shut up, dammit.

"Okay, so you'd be giving this to me first thing at school tomorrow, mkay?" The blonde handed me the roses, which I scowled down at.

"It's too corny, dammit. Can't I get you something else?"

"Do tell." She challenged nonchalantly, which I returned with a scoff.

"Uh... " Shit. Maybe I really shouldn't just go off running my stupid, big damn mouth all the time, right? I looked around for an idea, before resting my eyes on a decent-looking bookstore around the corner.

"Manga. Or a book." I shrugged, pointing at the bookstore, which actually had a name; 'Marimo bookstore' Elise raised her brow, but said nothing. After paying, we took off for the next agenda, but looking back, I saw the store clerk glomping a customer, or it seems, who was blushing and scowling so much.

I did not. Envision. Antonio. And. Myself. In. Their. Place. Got it?

...Okay, maybe I did.

* * *

><p>Once we got to the bookstore, Elise and I started looking for some nice stuff to buy. Instead, however, we got preoccupied somewhere in the middle, and watched the customer emitting a somehow dark aura from the manga section. It seemed like the customer was staring at the hot shoujo manga salesclerk intensely, which the salesclerk ignored obliviously with a smile.<p>

"Is it 'Display-affection-to-your-gay-lover-in-public' day today?" I whispered to Elise with a scowl, pointing subtly at the short, black-haired man nearby.

"Hey, don't be like that. You're gay, too you know."

"Can it and look for something." Humming softly, Elise shrugged, and we passed by the manga section. A familiar cover caught my eye, however, and I grabbed the book, only for another person to yell at me for taking it. I glared at the baby-faced shortie, who was scolded by his tall, stoic companion, which made him flush a light scarlet and whimper, apologizing to me. At least he returned the latest issue of 'The Kan'.

What? It's my favourite manga, okay?

Elise turned to my selection, raising her eyebrow in doubt.

"Manga? How romantic can you be?" With pink dusting my cheeks in embarrassment, I chose to ignore her and rolled my eyes. I glanced at the book she was holding tightly, Skeptically raising my eyebrow.

"_ 'The box that houses the moon'_? What the hell is _that_?" I pointed out. Elise, ever the lady, pouted childishly and stuck her tongue out at me, hugging.

"Shut up, okay? This author is really good, you know!" I looked at the author's name, seeing that it was Japanese. '_Usami Akihiko'_ was written on the cover in big letters. I looked away disinterestedly, and we decided to pay for our stuff.

* * *

><p>Oh crap. I've had many nervous moments, but what do I do now?<p>

Antonio and Clara looked at me in shock and slight amusement (The latter was Clara's reaction), probably from my outburst. I mean, it's not normal for you to just randomly burst out at your girl seatmate, in this case, Elise, and hand her a bouquet of roses, saying '_I love you'_ really, really loudly.

And I mean _really_ loud.

Blushing all the way up to my toes, I stuttered, glancing at Antonio in nervousness. He looked uninterested, and...disappointed? So does it mean I won? W-won Antonio's heart, um... that i-is... Clara seemed amused and _happy_, probably from the fact that I was backing away from her man. Which made me want to snort, if only I wasn't so nervous, I would have.

I shot a nervous glance at Elise, who seemed preoccupied and dazed. And I got a shrug in return. When I turned back to face Antonio, he looked so...horrible. A shadow cast on his face, he was biting his bottom lip as if he was trying to suppress tears. And Clara didn't look amused.

The latter part was fine, but I didn't mean for the former to happen. In fact, we were planning for the opposite to happen.

Shit.

Later at lunch time, I sat down in front of Antonio, who was picking uninterestedly at his food. Frowning, I cleared my throat to attract his attention, which worked right away. Antonio smiled nervously, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. Flushing, I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest in an attempt to look irritated. Hoping to see Antonio smiling warmly at me again, my heart sank when I saw him looking crestfallen.

It was so awkward and heartbreaking. I just _had _ to break the tension.

"So... Where's Clara?" I flinched at my own choice of topic.

"She has class..." For the first time, Antonio didn't meet my eyes. Glancing away, I bit my lower lip in thought.

"I see."

We ate our lunch in total silence. For us, that is. Even though the cafeteria was bustling and rowdy as usual with students and staff, it seemed so quiet.

Too quiet... Something I wasn't used to.

"I, um, don't know much about you..." I stuttered, flustered and desperately trying to start a conversation. Antonio looked at me with pained eyes, wary and tired of where this was going. Which made me kinda mad, cuz no one gets tired of Lovino Vargas.

"Well you never asked me." Antonio stood up without another word, picking up his tray and tossing the trash in the garbage can. I was getting really irritated from his behaviour.

I mean, why would he act like this? He has a girlfriend; why so crestfallen? He was acting so cold, and like a total bastard. If he really wasn't in love with me or interested with his girl, why is he acting like shit?

...Wait.

Is he...

Could he be in love with me? Covering my face in embarrassment, I blushed a deep red, and decided to throw my trash, too.

This was Me and Elise's idea, so why do I feel like this?

* * *

><p>BLAAAARGHGHGHKKLD:KLJAS!<p>

I apologize for the crappiness! Somewhere in the middle, I had writer's block. Dammit... And can you answer this?

Who are the characters that appeared, and from what series?  
>I think I already hinted enough, don't you think?<p>

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. Please R&R!

Thanks for reading this chapter, if you have any suggestions, please review or PM me~ Oh, and look out for the next chapter!


	5. There's STILL regret, and friendship

Disclaimer: No, I (still) don't own APH. I'm still waiting for that impossible moment to happen. Himaruya-san is one awesome (and damn lucky) dude.

_A/N: NO I AM NOT DEAD YET. Note the Yet. Oh my goose, I'm in first year already; isn't that an achievement, Peanut? XD And let me tell you something about highschool...IT SUCKS. If you're absent for like, one day, it's like you've been gone for three days. And the lists and piles of homework seem to laugh in your face as they're given out and assigned. It seems like they're never-ending. And my golly, my GRADES._

_When in grade school, I managed to have a lowest score of at least 88, and the highest being 95 or 94, in highschool, it's different. Seriously; my grades for the first quarter are like this: _

_History: __87 Math: 88 English: 91 Filipino: 90  Science_:_ 88 _THE REST GO ON LIKE THAT, THEN THERE'S AN 85 IN HEALTH, AND SUDDENLY...

_Values Ed: 80_ O, o

What the fu-  
>I mean, Siriusly! (Lol lame pun; I bet those potterheads out there reading this would get it, right?) What's wrong with my values? I have values! My conduct is alright, I pass my homework on time, I recite at least twice a day, My quizzes are satisfactory. Seriously; WTF?<p>

_*Ahem* Please ignore those. I just had to blow off steam, you know? At least now you know why I haven't been updating lately. School seems to have drained my brain cells by 95 %. Sumimasen. Sorry. I apologize. Gomenasai. ETC..._

ON WITH THE STORY!

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><p>Have you ever had this time, when, your body seems to be on autopilot, while your brain is just replaying one scene, as you do some things absent-mindedly? Or maybe a time when, after revelation strikes you like a <em>fucking<em> hammer, on the head, you're just waiting for a meteor to hit you and finish you right then and there; probably due to the shock? Yeah, well, that's how **I'm** feeling right now.

.

.

.

...Huh? Y-you haven't? W-well, I wasn't asking **you**, you bastard! No one did! No one wanted your stupid opinion, and no one wanted to hear you anyways! I was asking that pretty girl beside you; not you, so just scram, you dumbass!

*Aherm*

Anyways, and as I was saying, before **some idiot** decided to interrupt...

Here I am, 16 year-old Lovino Vargas, sitting at my study table at eleven-fucking- o'clock, with not a single page of homework accomplished yet. As I ponder on my life's meaning, (Or my _love_ life's meaning? Che. Fuck off, no one asked **you **either.) Feliciano's snores echo throughout the room.

But... I don't get it.

I know I'm smart, and all, (I'm not trying to be big-headed or anything, but it's damn true!) but no formula or theory can prove or uncover my feelings, or the reason for Antonio's reaction.

Sure... I wanted him to be jealous, but just seeing his face contort in disappointment made my belly flop, and not in the fun way, damn you. At that time, I..

I felt time stop, and I thought my hands turned into ice. Yes, fine, I admit, I.. I was nervous, because how many people in the world have had the person they've loved or, love, anyways, love them back too? I mean, everyone's different. No matter how similar two or, three, or any number of people for that matter, look; they'll always be different.

Shit. I sure get philosophical when I get depress- **tired**, huh?

Anyways, I was...nervous, anxious... I feared of being rejected, of being mocked, of being thrown aside. Despite knowing that Antonio definitely wasn't _that_ type of guy... Still. I.. couldn't help but doubt. And as he said,

_"Well, you never asked" _, I didn't know shit about him, except for a few obvious things. I didn't have the right to judge him. I was a jerk, and everytime we meet anyways, I either stutter something unintelligent, curse him and give him that one-fingered salute, kick him in the shins and run away, or blush like a firetruck and, yes, _run away_.

But I still didn't get It.

Yes, "It". It, being Antonio's reaction. I didn't say anything offending, and It clearly wasn't directed at him, it was for Elise. It was just something simple, and It could have meant anything, but why that pained face?

Could this all be just a misunderstanding on my part? A misinterpretation?

I already talked to Elise about it earlier, after school. All she did was smile at me sadly, and said,

_" Well, why don't you initiate something then? If you really love him, Lovino, you should at least go talk to him, right? Otherwise, this would just be a highschool crush." _

When she told me that, I was temporarily deaf, numb, and stupid. I did the first thing I could think of:

Run.

I stormed out of the café we were in and left her, not taking even a glance behind me.

I was too scared, to frustrated, too tired of hearing the same shit all over again.

' You should have' 'You could have' etc.

I knew what to fucking do, and I was too bitter to accept it. It wasn't Elise's fault; it was mine.

Screw this.

Now, I have two people to apologize to.

Antonio, for being a jerk to him. (In the process, maybe I'll get to befriend him and learn a few things about him or so.)

Elise, for making a fool out of her in front of the whole batch (well... In the corridor of our batch..), dragging her into my drama, storming out of her, and taking her time for something so worthless.

I sighed and tossed my head back as I scribbled down my answers for the homework which was splayed out on my desk, and was yet to be completed.

This would all be over in the morning, It would all be better, It would be just like a bad dream. It would all go away when I wake up the next morning, and everything would be nice and normal. And dull.

* * *

><p>It wasn't.<p>

Well, that thing with Antonio was better. He was back to his cheery-eyed, stupid, grinning Spanish bastard when I had the chance to see him, and talk to him.

I apologized to him ( more like, stuttering incoherent things which remotely sounded like, 'sorry' 'jerk' 'forget' and 'end', but he just pulled me into a warm hug, which I took as an "okay" signal.) as we got off the bus, and we went our own ways.

Huh. Went our own ways.. That sounds so cheesy.

But, Elise.. She seemed to be duller and more tired in nature, as I sat next to her in our usual seating arrangement. She was staring at the blank wall in front of the classroom, with her eyes wide and dull, and with dark circles under them.

I felt my gut do a back-flip. One of the things I really can't stand doing, or seeing, is pretty girls being sad, or disappointed, for that matter.

I took in her appearance, seeing as she wasn't noticing me anyways.

Her hair was dishevelled, and her clothes looked like they were haphazardly thrown on. She was gripping her thighs tightly, and she was so pale.

I gulped and set down my bag beside my chair, the noise making her jolt in surprise.

"O-oh. H-hi Lovino. Sorry about yesterday... Did I say something wrong?" She smiled at me, but at the same time she didn't.

What?

Oh, you know those instances wherein the person's mouth is curved up into a smile, but her whole face is like, screwed up, and you can tell from the body language that their day is anything but rainbows and sunshine, and is nothing but a mound of shit?

Yeah...

"No, Elise... I.. It's my fault. I didn't mean it, okay? So.. You can just... Forget about all this, this plan of bringing me together with Antonio and all... Thanks."

I could tell my voice was shaking, and I didn't know if it was from nerves or from the guilt building up in my gut. Elise's expression softened, but it wasn't a happy one, either.

"Lovino.. I meant what I said, though. I hope you're not mad at me anymore, and I hope you understood what I said." The Belgian sighed and ran a hand through her messy hair, which I found charming, anyway.

"You shouldn't be sorry, it's not your fault... Dammit." And when I averted my gaze from the floor tiles, to her face, I think my day brightened up a bit. At least she was now smiling, but I didn't like the way she was smiling, though. Her eyes were glinting with some sort of energy.. Something manic... And her grin looked feral;

It was her ever-famous Shit-eating grin.

I gulped, for I didn't really like her shit-eating grin, because something wrong always happens next.

Don't tell her I said that, though. 'Cause, I don't want to hurt her feelings or shit.

She then grabbed my hands in a vice-like, strong grip with that same glint in her eyes.

"Lovino, I swear to God, or so help me, that starting right now, I'll try my hardest and make it happen between you and Antonio."

And from that moment onwards, Elise had that same grin, and a feeling of doom was pooling at the pit of my stomach.

Oh well, at least she wasn't sad anymore, right?

* * *

><p>This chappie was sort of short, don't you think? I apologize for that, by the ways. AND, as I'm writing this, my mind is too fuzzy to comprehend anything, and too tired and sleep-deprived to pump much life and humour into it. Instead, the humor became sort of sarcastic and dark, and...<p>

Never mind. Just... Yeah, thanks for reading, and stay tuned?

Oh, don't forget to tell me how I did! I'd like to hear your your opinions, so click that button down there.


	6. There are butterflies in your stomach

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia Axis Powers, or any of the characters. This fanfiction is a product of the author's imagination, and in no way, an object used to gain profit or financial benefit.

.  
>.<p>

WELL DUH.

Actually, I believe an explanation is needed...Right? I'm not even sure if anyone's still reading this...story of mine. Hehehe.

*Ahem*

Well...I haven't been updating, and it's all because of school. I've been focusing too much on my studies, so I forgot all about my hobbies and crap, and guess what? It's super effective.

Harhar.

I know it's a lousy excuse, but it's true. That's the only excuse I could give, because I have so many more excuses, but I can't afford to waste any more of your time reading them. I've been excited to update this story, and I hope there are still readers left (?) who were anticipating an update in their Alerts tab.

Actually, F.Y.I, I was planning on editing the whole story after I finish all the chapters.

Well... I just hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Since I've been gone for so long, I'll make it up to all of you with a meaningful, (and hopefully, not as crappy) chapter.

Here you go! :)

* * *

><p><em>"Do you..think we'll meet again?"<br>_

_It only took one sentence of six words to drain my 6-year old self of all happiness. I dropped the ball which I was previously holding and stopped in my tracks._

_"Wh-what? You're saying that as if you're going to-"  
><em>

_"-Leave? Mom and Dad want me to move to America; they want me to study there, and they say it's also beneficial to their business." _

_I stared at the older, brown haired boy sitting on the grass across from me in disbelief. _

_" But why? You mean, right after we became friends, you're..." I could not stop my voice from choking out the last part; there's only so much a mere six-year old can _

_hold in, emotionally._

_"I know, amigo... I don't want to leave, but I have to." I couldn't see his face from my position, but I could tell that he was frowning and trying his best not to cry._

_"But you promised me you wouldn't go!" The birds were chirping, the sky was a clear and light blue with few clouds, the weather was perfect, and children here and there were laughing and playing, but all of these didn't matter. No matter how blue the sky was or how green the grass was, my world was splotched black-and-white._

_A mix of emotions bubbled inside of me; anger, sadness, loneliness, betrayal..._

_My small hand moved up my face to wipe away some moist on my face. I wondered if it was raining, but I realized that these were my tears._

_As a child, I cried a lot, but I've never cried for anyone at all. It felt weird._

_I choked out a sob, which made my friend's shoulders droop even lower._

_"Then why are you leaving? Can't you stay? I mean, my family will definitely accept you anyway, and-"  
><em>

_" No... It's already decided actually... I'm leaving for good." I felt even more tears stream down my plump cheeks, and the words he just said didn't help lessen them._

_I said nothing as I sobbed some more, and he inched closer to me._

_"I promise, we'd meet again, okay?" _

_"Will you come back? Or will I have to go to meet you there?" _

_"I'll come back. Really." He turned to face me and lifted up my chin to look into his face. Then he-_

* * *

><p>I woke up unceremoniously from the annoying beeping of the alarm clock, and the hard and cold feeling of the floor. Also the painful sensation on my back and head. Fucking fucker.<p>

I groaned as I sat up from my uncomfortable position and turned off the still beeping clock. Stupid invention; I'd like to kill the fucker who made it in the first place.

_But as much as you're concerned, fratello, without that alarm clock, you'd be screwed and probably never even wake up again. _

I snorted as I heard a nagging, crude imitation of my brother's voice in my head.

Yeah, right.

After sorting out my bed and fixing it ** perfectly, **I sat down on my bed and brought my arm up to cover my eyes.

I thought back to what Elise said to me the other day.

.

.

.

.

.

xXxxXxX

_"So lover boy, I recommend one thing first, for you to gain his attention." Elise purred from across me with her arms tucked underneath her chin. I scowled at her while poking my sundae and taking a spoonful of it. It seemed to pass my standards, so I consumed even more of the food._

_What? I have refined tastes, okay?_

_"Can you **not** call me lover boy?" _

_"Well, aren't you one anyway? What do you call yourself then, swooning over the Spanish exchange student who you barely even know?" _

_Damn. She sure had a point there. I bit my spoon in thought and furrowed my eyebrows._

_"Touché."_

_"Of course; it's me, after all." I just rolled my eyes in response. I'd rather not waste my time on trying to have a proper conversation with this woman; so instead, I ate another spoonful of my sundae and found a random interest on the table cloth. So many flowers..._

_"But seriously Lovino, it's not everyday that the batch's most excellent student decides to turn gay. Why him, of all people? I mean, no offense to Antonio dear but I've seen more handsome and definitely more intelligent," I just snorted into my bowl of ice cream. She did have a point, though. "men out there. I mean, if I were you, I'd choose someone I already knew well from the start."_

_I just hummed in thought and swung my legs back and forth._

_"It's just...He's so damn gorgeous, Elise. You don't know how much he affects me..." I bit my lower lip as I felt a flush forming on my face._

_"Well neither do you, it seems." Her grin was so incredibly catlike, it was quite impressive. Once again, I scowled._

_"Shut up."_

_"Stop scowling, you'll have wrinkles." She reached over the table to massage the creases between my eyebrows. Irritatedly, I smacked her hand away._

_"Back to my problem! What do you suggest I do, 'Lise?" I laid my head on the table in frustration._

_"You should befriend him first, that's what you should do. Seriously, don't focus too much on getting into his pants." said the Belgian. Her reply made me blush brightly. Trying to cover up my embarrassment, I took a big spoonful of ice cream, immediately regretting it as I winced from the extra-cold sensation the food was drilling into my teeth._

_"I'mpf nutsh twying to gebt idto hiss pansh." My answer came out as gibberish since my mouth was still full of the cold treat. _

_"Don't speak when your mouth is full; you sound like Berwald." We both snickered, but made sure to check the area afterwards for the tall Swede. He's fucking scary._

_"Well last time I checked, putting your feet up on your chair in a restaurant isn't so polite." I pointed out dryly. Elise just frowned, but brought down her feet, nonetheless. _

_"You're not polite either, you know." She pointed at me with her spoon. _

_"Shut up."_

_"Hey, we're talking more than thinking; don't you want to solve your little love-problems?" _

_"Huh? Don't I just befriend him? **Then** I can woo him?" I was confused; didn't she just say I should befriend him?_

_" Of course you befriend him first. I mean, you can't force someone to fall in love with you, especially if you're not really close." She laughed for no reason at all._

_"Well, yeah..."_

_"Are you sincere about your feelings Lovino?" Her tone became serious; this was a rare side of Elise, but when she became serious, she truly meant it._

_"I..I'm not sure... " I truly don't know how I feel about Antonio. I guess this is what they call love-at-first-sight._

_"Because if you're not sincere, you shouldn't lead him on. Especially since it seems like he's a bit interested in you. If you really like him, it's a good sign."_

_"I...need time to think." I paid for the bill before standing up and getting ready to leave the place. She stood up too, and we said our goodbyes._

_"Take your time, Lovino. Love shouldn't be rushed." I pondered on her words as I left the restaurant._

* * *

><p>I sighed deeply in confusion.<p>

Can't I just want him, for no special reason? Because he's hot and all? Why does she have to go around and make love seem so complicated?

I turned to my clock, and saw that it was time for me to get ready to leave for school.

...

Actually, I don't want to go to school.

_But you have to...Unless you want to end up homeless in the future, and have no job! Besides, Antonio is there._

Shit. Since when has my conscience become such a softie?

_I'm your good side~ After all, despite all your wrongdoings, you're a good person._

A-Anyway...I don't want to see Antonio. I'm not going to school.

_Of course you want to see Antonio~ _

My conscience seemed to sound more and more realistic. I snapped out of my inner-monologue, when I turned my head and came face-to-face with my brother, Feliciano, who was whispering in my ear all this time.

Did...I just voice out all those thoughts aloud?

Well damn.

"What the hell are you doing here, Feli?" I asked my younger brother, who was scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"V-vehh... I'm going to school, fratello. We go to the same school, remember?"

Well duh.

"I know that, idiot. What do you think I am, stupid?" Feliciano shrunk back in fear, away from me. Trust me, it's not my hobby to scare away my idiot brother. I'm just really upset in the morning.

"N-no... I just..." I sighed at his **intelligent** reply.

"Whatever. What were you doing beside me? How do you know about Antonio?"

"I w-was just answering you... Fratello looked strange, talking to himself when he's alone..Veh." So I **did **say all those aloud.

"Hmph. Well, just forget it. I-it was nothing, alright?"

"Y-Yes..." And with that, he scurried away, ahead of me. Probably to walk with his stupid macho potato-brained German friend.

Then I remembered something.

_"...And besides, Antonio's there."_

Now really, How the hell did he know about Antonio?

* * *

><p>Luckily, I got to school quite early, so after getting my schedule, and books for the day, I sat down in my seat. My next class was to be chem, so I reviewed my notes quietly.<p>

That is, until I heard tapping sounds.

Annoying tapping sounds made my fingers making contact on the wooden surface of the desk.

And it was just right beside me.

I decided that I couldn't get any work done, and couldn't concentrate (A genius needs peace, alright?), so I laid down my pen quite loudly, just to scare off the bastard who was doing those...Distracting sounds.

"Do you mind?" I said in the most polite tone, without looking up from my notes. To my relief, said person stopped the drumming. Just as I was about to relax and go back to doing my work, I felt the person breathing near my face.

I quickly snapped my head back to yell at the person, when I saw him.

Him.

Him= Antonio. Duh.

He flashed me his brilli-stupid smile, his gor-stupid white teeth showing.

"Hi Lovi~" Just by saying my name, I already felt my face heat up, and my heart thudding against my ribcage.

"W-Who the hell gave you the right to call me Lovi?" I asked indignantly. Screw the plan of befriending him. This guy's just too stupid. My eyes scanned the front row, and I saw Elise passing by, signalling a thumbs up, and smiling cheekily.

The bitch.

"Aww~ But your brother calls you Lovi, and-"

"How do you know Feliciano?" My eyes went wide with anger. I don't want this idiot to be hanging out with my brother. Who knows, Feli might become more stupid.

"Huh? Francis, mi amigo, is his friend... And we own the grocery store down the street." Well that explained it. Francis is a family friend, though I never liked the perverted bastard.

A few moments of silence passed by, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I didn't even shrug off Antonio's hand when it found its way on top of my own, on the desk.

We just sat there together in silence, until the bell rang, and it was time for class. Everyone shuffled back to their seats and remained silent when our chemistry teacher entered the classroom.

"Okay class, today we'll be conducting an experiment. You'll be needing a partner. But since we don't have enough time to go to our groupings, I need to you team up with your seatmate for today."

Hell no.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading this chapter... Hope you liked it! Please review; I'll make sure to update again (I'm sure this time; it's summer vacation already in my place) so please stay tuned! XDD<p> 


	7. You're pessimistic about love

Disclaimer: -Insert disclaimer here-  
>An: Hi guys! As usual, I updated later than I expected/planned to. ._. This chapter's gonna be better (or I'll try to make it better, at least) than the previous ones, which I feel are just like...I dunno, fillers?

Anyway, please don't forget to tell me how I did afterwards... And enjoy! :D (that's the reason why I write stories, neh?)

Also, please forgive any mistakes made in this chapter. I haven't really been feeling well (summer fever, perhaps?) and though I overslept and woke up at 11-something-o clock, I feel awful. I know it's not a good enough excuse, but meh. ._.

* * *

><p>You'd think that being partnered up with Antonio would be more romantic, or at least heart-pounding, especially since I, ahem, l-like him.<p>

But then again, that's only a thought.

Reality is, unfortunately, harsher.

So here I am, heating a test tube with God-knows-what in it over the alcohol lamp, with the tomato bastard beside me, crushing some Who-Gives-A-Fuck with a mortar and pestle. In an apron.

Cough.

I just couldn't help but notice the familiarity that I felt around him, and that I seem to have met him somewhere...I just can't place my finger on it.

Since the thingy-majig wasn't done heating yet, the idiot decided to pipe up and make some small talk.

"Why don't we get to know each other more, Lovi?" I still despised the nickname he had given me, but I decided not to comment any further.

"F-fine. You start." I grunted. He smiled.

"Well, I have a younger sister, a mother, a father, and an older brother who's not living with us anymore..." I snorted from trying to suppress my laughter.

"Um.. My dad is an engineer at some company, and my mom...eh, she doesn't really work." That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. The dams broke, and all my restraint was lost. I burst out laughing my arse off, leaving a flabbergasted Antonio beside me.

"What's so funny?" He furrowed his brows in confusion as I laughed even more. Idiota.

"W-what kind of person t-t-talks about ther f-family randomly as conversation starters?" Tears of mirth started to roll down my cheeks.

"Well, what do you suggest I say?" Despite the (adorable) pout he was sporting, he was starting to giggle too. Noticing our ruckus, the prof decided to yell at us to 'settle down and keep your mouth shuts, Mr. Carriedo and Vargas.'

"I dunno, something else? Like hobbies and stuff." I shrugged, going back to our earlier conversation. He looked at me blankly. I sighed in frustration.

"For someone so dazzlingly handsome, you're crap at starting conversations, you know?" I stopped what I was doing right away, feeling as if a meteor had struck me on the side of my head.

Oh. _Merda._

I did **not** just say that bastard Antonio was handsome.

I. Did. Not.

But unfortunately, the damage had already been done, and Antonio was grinning stupidly. I felt my face flush in embarrassment.

"So... You think I'm handsome, Lovi?" Oh look, isn't the floor interesting?

"No. You're damn ugly. You look like a horse. I don't even know why you have a freaking girlfriend that gorgeous!" I felt like I had gone a bit overboard by mentioning his girlfriend and stuff. I could tell from his disheartened-looking face.

D'aww. His sad face is effing cute too.

Forget that I said that.

"You know... It's not as if we love each other." His eyes were downcast and it seemed like he was talking to the ingredients instead of to me. It was barely a whisper, but I still managed to hear it anyway.

"Eh?" I thought I had heard wrong. He snapped his head up, and I could see some pink dusting his cheeks. My stomach did a double-flip in response.

"What I mean is... whatever's going on between me and Carla is arranged."

Wait, what?

* * *

><p>"So, how's it going? Eeehh, you were lab partners a while ago. I could see the two of you from my place!" Elise squealed irritatingly loudly.<p>

Che. Women. This is exactly the reason why I'm gay.

"I just found out that... He and the chick aren't really together... It's all a farce." I whispered so that only she could hear me. She gave another ear-piercing squeal, much to my annoyance.

"See? You **do** have a chance, Lovino! A very big chance at that. At least he's not taken."

"Just because he's not taken, it doesn't mean he's gay." I said bitterly.

"Why do you have to be so pessimistic?"

"Why do you have to be so optimistic?" I shot back.

"What's wrong with being too optimistic? Being a pessimist is kinda...unhealthy, you know."

"Being optimistic is just as unhealthy. It's, in a way, like a blinding light. If you look at that light too much incessantly, you'd go blind." It's weird, I know...

Look, I'm not into that philosophical shizz anyways. Excuuuse me.

"You're such a pansy, Lovino." She snorted and punched me on the shoulder lightly.

"You're just changing the topic because you don't like being proved wrong." I scoffed.

"Whatever...Hey, did you know that the prom's coming up soon?" She reminded me excitedly.

"Elise... You do know that the prom wouldn't be happening until after, I dunno, 3 weeks?" I rolled my eyes at my best friend's excitement.

But secretly, I was plotting.

Yes, plotting.

Prom? Hmm, interesting...

...

"Um, Lovino?"

"What?"

"Can you stop stroking your imaginary beard now? It's freaking me out."

Crap.

* * *

><p>Random ending is random.<p>

Please review! For reviewing, you'd get some... E-tomatoes as a reward!

Yes... E-tomatoes...Seems legit.

Thanks for reading~ I really hope you enjoyed, and that...You're...still reading this.

OTL

I lost a subscriber, guise... ;_;

XD /is bricked/


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